There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
