i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
