I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
