I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
