Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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