I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
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