those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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