You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
