Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
