I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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