i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
