I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
