Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
