He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
