Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
