would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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