I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
do herpes really smell.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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