i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
It's blow job season.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
