so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
