So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
