Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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