I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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