i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
