Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
