I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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