sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
