I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
