Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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