mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you still have your period?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
