He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
