i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When did angry sex become our thing?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
