I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You took a bar mat shot.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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