sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
a search helicopter?!
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
