the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
