my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
