I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
