I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
