I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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