that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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