she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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