a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
