Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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