On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
