i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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