The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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