Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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