She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
