My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
