3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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