The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We are all done wearing pants today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
