I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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