Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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