Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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